For many children, the death of a pet is their first encounter with loss. Pets aren’t just animals—they’re companions, confidants, and part of the family story. As a veterinarian offering at-home euthanasia, I’m often asked by parents how best to explain this experience to their children.
This guide shares gentle, age-appropriate ways to help children understand what’s happening, honour their grief, and create meaningful moments of goodbye. If you’re preparing for an at-home euthanasia visit, I’m always here to support you in making it as compassionate and calm as possible.
This article covers the following age groups by section so feel free to jump ahead:
- Children Ages 3 to 6 Years: The Magical Thinkers
- Children Ages 6 to 12 Years: The Concrete Thinkers
- Teenagers Ages 12 to 17 Years: The Emerging Adults
1. Children Ages 3 to 6 Years: The Magical Thinkers
At this stage, children have a limited understanding of death and may see it as temporary or reversible, like in cartoons or fairy tales. Their thinking is literal and based on magical ideas. It’s important to be gentle, clear, and honest.
How to explain:
- Use simple, direct language. Say, “Our pet has died, which means their body stopped working and they won’t be coming back.”
- Avoid euphemisms like “put to sleep,” which may confuse or frighten them about sleep itself.
- Reassure them that they did nothing to cause the death and that they are safe and loved.
- Expect repeating questions. Repetition is how young children process new concepts.
- You may want to mention that your pet is very old or very sick we are doing this for them to bring relief to their pain.
Ways to support them:
- Create a small ritual, like lighting a candle or drawing a pictures of their pet, create a goodbye card that they can sign. Collecting flowers from your garden if possible is a nice touch.
- Review photographs and videos that contain their pet. To remember them at their prime.
- Read books together that gently explore pet loss, such as “The Tenth Good Thing About Barney” by Judith Viorst or the Hare Shaped Hole by John Dougherty.
- Let them see you express your feelings-it models healthy grieving.
- Some children in this age group may want to be at the at-home Euthanasia, Dr Patrick will support them during this time with our Post Euthanasia Ceremony.
2. Children Ages 6 to 12 Years: The Concrete Thinkers
This age group begins to understand the finality of death, but they may still struggle with emotional complexity. They might feel guilt, anger, or even try to bargain (“If I’m good, will the pet come back?”).
How to explain:
- Offer more detail as needed, such as explaining illness or old age in simple terms: “Our dog was very sick, and the medicine couldn’t help anymore. The kindest thing was to help him die peacefully.”
- Allow space for questions, and answer with calm honesty. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know” when you’re unsure.
Ways to support them:
- Encourage expression through writing, drawing, or storytelling.
- Allow them to participate in memorial activities, like planting a tree or making a photo album.
- Normalize grief as a process. Say, “It’s okay to feel sad or angry. We all miss her / him.”
3. Teenagers Ages 12 to 17 Years: The Emerging Adults
Teens often understand death in a more adult way but may be reluctant to show vulnerability. They might downplay their grief or hide their emotions to appear strong-or may feel emotions very deeply and struggle with existential questions.
How to explain:
- Speak openly and honestly. Acknowledge the pain: “I know this is really hard. I’m heartbroken too.”
- Give them space to grieve privately, but remain available. Don’t pressure them to talk, but let them know you’re there.
Ways to support them:
- Encourage journaling, creative expression, or talking to a trusted adult or counsellor.
- Include them in decision-making if appropriate (e.g., being present during euthanasia or planning a memorial).
- Recognize that grief can show up as moodiness, irritability, or withdrawal. These are normal responses.
Final Thoughts
Every child grieves differently, and there is no “right” way to feel or process loss. What matters most is being present, listening without judgment, and validating your child’s experience. When families choose at-home euthanasia, it can provide a peaceful, familiar environment that helps children say goodbye in a comforting way.
Grief shared is grief softened. By being open and compassionate, when we do this we teach our children one of life’s most important lessons: love is worth the loss.
